perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
