I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
