Have you finally orgasmed yet?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
