i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
