barbara walters just said penis...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
