I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize