I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize