I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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