Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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