youre lurking in front of me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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