one two three fourrrrnication!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
