Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
