Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
