I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
my poor anus
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
