I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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