we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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