im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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