I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
