Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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