Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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