im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
