why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
