I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
