Kiss
Puke
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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