His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
