Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
