That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i think i have two assholes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
