can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize