so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize