so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
