now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
