Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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