Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
