yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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