just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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