well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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