Quick, to the slutcave!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
