The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
