I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
