the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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