i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
