trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
