Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
