oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize