I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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