I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
