Don't make out with my wife yet
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
