ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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