he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
