I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
