after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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