Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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