Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
