we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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