when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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