We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
love makes seman taste better
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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