Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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