tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
