Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize