I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
