You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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