I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
