I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
