she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
