i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
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