I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
True college students do jello shots in the library
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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